What’s going on you bloody legends! We are back with another episode of WTF Weekly and this week we will talk about someone’s public display of affection, for their food! So sit back, put your feet up and enjoy this nugget of a situation.
Monday’s and Wednesday’s I have classes in the morning and afternoon. My abnormal psychology class meets at 130pm so people trying to eat between classes or during class is a common scene. But today was different. I quickly became confused and conflicted with my own feelings. I’ll explain.
As I’m sitting and prepping for the days lecture this individual featured behind me comes skipping in with a Burger King bag. The room quickly fills with the smell of hamburger and French fries. She sits down and starts digging through the bag like a puppy digging up a bone. The intoxicating aroma of cooked cow ass and fried potato becomes even more prominent and I begin to get hungry, that is until she began eating.
As she started mouth humping this burger, the sounds that were coming from behind frightened me. Moaning, groaning and the occasional “oh yea” could be heard by everyone. With each bite the sounds became more disturbing. She was doing things to this burger that’s probably illegal in 38 states!
It was almost as if a velociraptor was feasting on a fresh kill as someone was pleasuring her under the table! I swear at one point she asked “who’s your daddy” as she’s mouth raping her food! I didn’t know whether I should be scared, hungry or turned on at this point. Not gonna lie, it might have been a combination of all three.
And then it happens. She finishes shoving this bag of food down her chew hole, starts licking her grease soaked booger hooks and sits back in her chair. Her breathing gets heavier, the meat sweats take over and the food coma begins to set in. As she’s drifting off, the all too familiar sound echos loudly throughout the room. The sound of someone busting out in a butt trumpet solo. Good lord love a duck and everything that is holy, this person attempted a one cheek sneak and probably wound up shitting herself. And she didn’t even bat an eye as the room filled with the nauseating stench of broccli and a dumpster fire!!! For fucks sake at least say excuse me and go check your pants. Sounded like she had a little rain with that thunder.
Holy hell I wish I could make this stuff up! I don’t mind you eating in class. I get it, we are all busy and we have to feed ourselves to keep going. But to sexually molest a burger and then crap your drawers is where I draw the line. Please people, save that for your own home and don’t force us to breathe in your ass air.
That’s it for toady folks. As always keep it tuned to this channel as I’m sure I’ll have another WTF moment for you…it’s only Monday!! Don’t forget you’re all a bunch of bloody legends! Stay classy San Diego.
My shirt smells like a fart now…WTF